I Just Can't Say It Out Loud
by dcat8888
Summary: This is a missing scene from 'A Chip Off The Old Milt.'


I Just Can't Say It Out Loud

by dcat

This is a Hardcastle and McCormick fanfic. The characters do not belong to me. Rated G/K

This is a missing scene from 'A Chip Off The Old Milt.'

His heart swelled so much he thought it might just burst open from the enormous pride he felt. He turned off the TV and went and sat behind his desk. Who would have thought a few hours in the city pokey would be so monumental and pivotal. He pulled out the file on McCormick, but didn't bother to read it or even to open it. He'd read it so many times over the past five years, that he knew it by heart. He'd even written some of it himself. Writing words wasn't the problem.

Milt Hardcastle was not an eloquent or elaborate speaker when it came to saying how he felt about something or someone, nor was he demonstrative with his feelings. Affection like hugs and or kisses weren't a top priority, nor would they ever be, heck, he wasn't entirely comfortable with a handshake. He did though, let his actions speak for him, something he'd done his whole life. Giving this kid a chance had been the best thing he'd ever done, not for himself, but for Mark. He believed that. The changes and strides McCormick had made in his life were astounding. The Judge was more than happy to think that he just had played a tiny role in his life. He gave all the credit to Mark, he did the work, he made the right choices and now Milt was bursting full of pride knowing the kid wanted to be a lawyer. Right now he was waiting for just the right moment to act on what he felt, on how proud of Mark he was. He knew what he wanted to do, he alluded to it in the jail cell. Law school was serious bucks and he was willing to put McCormick through school, sort of as a 'job well done.' It would just be a matter of finding the exact place and time and mood to make McCormick the offer. He learned his lesson over the years with the kid, if he could make a bet out of it, he could get the kid to go for it.

_He wants to be a lawyer._

Hardcastle thought back to the day's activities. It was just about six hours prior that he and McCormick sat in the city jail where they had both bared their souls regarding what each of them had been up to in recent months, unbeknownst to the other. Hardcastle had purchased the repo and repair business for Mark and McCormick had been accepted into and began taking classes to earn a law degree. All this had come on the heels of Mark's parole being up. They both knew the kid would have to come up with some sort of job or career plan for his future. Busting bad guys wasn't meant to be a lifelong vocation.

Even if Milt lived to be 500, he'd never forget the look on the kid's face as Mark told him with great uncertainty that he was in law school. It was practically terrified uncertainty. It made Hardcastle smile then and even still now as he thought back to the moment. Someone who didn't know either man would have probably thought the kid was afraid to tell him because Hardcastle would be liable to yell at him for doing something stupid. They'd be wrong for thinking that. Milt knew the kid still had a spot inside himself that told him he wasn't good enough or smart enough or worthy enough to do something like become a lawyer, Milt also knew the kid was entirely wrong in having that doubt. And Hardcastle would gladly let his fist do the talking to anyone who thought that McCormick couldn't do something because of those reasons.

Yet there it was on the face of McCormick himself, even after these three years, still having that doubt. It was something so stark in contrast to the smart aleck, self assured McCormick that could con his way in or out of any situation. But there it had been on his face, sitting across from Milt in the city jail, that look of self-doubt. Hardcastle wished there was some way he could make the kid realize that he didn't need to doubt himself any more. In fact he never needed to.

_Law school_….the Judge sat behind his desk and shook his head and smiled thinking how much work the kid had to do, not only to complete his bachelors degree but now to have applied, been accepted to and taking classes in law school. Shortly after his initial arrival at Gulls Way, McCormick had started out with a class at the Community College, then he'd take a few more and eventually, he transferred his credits over to UCLA, where he'd earned his degree in general education. And he did all of that while chasing after bad guys with Milt. Hardcastle knew exactly what kind of commitment the kid had put forth.

McCormick missed his graduation ceremony because he'd been recuperating from the injuries he'd sustained at the hands of Price and Falcon. He said at the time that it didn't matter to him to miss the commencement that he was so much older than the other graduates that he would feel stupid marching in with the group, but Hardcastle saw disappointment on his face in the hospital and somehow wished that the kid could have had his moment of achievement. But now, knowing he'd get another crack with a ceremony after completing law school, Hardcastle made a silent vow that the kid would be at it, no matter what, even if he had to drag him to it.

_The kid wanted to be a lawyer_…Hardcastle said it out loud and still felt the pride. It was somewhat surprising to Hardcastle when he first heard the words come out of Mark's mouth. And honestly, it wasn't a personal pride for Hardcastle, he was merely proud of McCormick and the work he'd done to get where he was at. When the kid added that he hoped that someday someone would look to him the way he looked to the Judge, well Milt couldn't even look in McCormick's direction. He knew what he wanted to say, but just couldn't get the words out.

He wondered just how the kid had come to this decision, since McCormick never even dropped a remote hint in the past six months. Over the three years the two of them had had many discussions about McCormick's future. And truth be told, Milt wondered if the kid ever heard half of what he said, just like any father with any child could attest to. Something however must have sunk in. The Judge more than endorsed Mark taking classes, but no matter what he was taking, McCormick never seemed to indicate what he wanted to major in. Sometimes Hardcastle thought he went just to meet women. Since he couldn't seem to decide on a field of study, he opted for the general education degree. Of course with the work they did together busting bad guys and the fact that many of their talks revolved around the law, it probably was a good indication that becoming a lawyer was the choice the kid would make. Hardcastle sat back in the chair and just grinned some more. _The kid was in law school_.

Milt thought about how the rest of the evening had proceeded from there. Once Frank had gotten them out of jail, they headed over to Sunset Acres to wrap up the case. The police arrived on the scene as well and took Malcolm into custody right after Mark caught up with him in a nearby hallway and asked him why he'd hired him at his law firm. Milt only heard the tail end of the conversation. And even though Malcolm told Mark it was because he was the 'brightest' student he had in class, the exact reason he had told him weeks prior, on the ride back to the estate Hardcastle knew that McCormick's head was still filled with that self doubt, this time it was the 'once an ex-con, always and ex-con' doubt. Hardcastle tried to reassure the kid that this was nothing but a speed bump. Mark was indeed in law school on his own merit, not on anything Malcolm had said or thought. And the prospects he'd have now that he stood up to the heavyweight law firm of Malcolm, Hughes and DeWitt and taken down a bad lawyer, his stock would rise to the stratosphere. It all sounded good when Hardcastle preached it, but as Milt drove the pick-up back to Gull's Way, the kid's face was awash in deep thought. It wasn't doing either one of them any good to beat it to death, so Milt tried to change the subject. He told the kid he had some steaks at the house and he'd grill them up for the two of them. He knew before he finished the sentence that Mark would try to decline. Hardcastle wasn't about to accept no for an answer. He went one step further and also insisted that McCormick stay at the house tonight. Mark started to shake his head no, but Milt wouldn't hear it. He didn't accept his excuse that there were no bed linens over in the gatehouse. Hardcastle told him he could stay in one of spare rooms in the main house then. Milt wasn't about to let the kid dwell on his self-doubt all alone all night long.

So here it was, dinner was over and McCormick had gone upstairs to make up a bed and go to sleep. His mood seemed better, he'd even got into an in-depth discussion about the Raiders defensive line with the Judge while they ate. And he even smiled and cajoled with the Judge after dinner as they watched John Wayne kill a few bad guys in _The Searchers_, complete with an overabundant bowl of hot buttered popcorn.

Hardcastle thought the kid would go straight to bed, since it was after midnight, but as he sat behind the desk reminiscing in his own mind, McCormick suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Judge, is something wrong?" Mark asked him.

Milt looked up, surprised to see him standing there. "Nope, not a thing kiddo. I thought you were going to bed?" Hardcastle asked.

"I was, well I am, but why are you still up? Are you feeling all right?"

"Oh yeah, fine. What are you doing down here?

"I was gonna get something to eat and I saw the light still on in here and I thought I heard you talking to someone."

Hardcastle ignored the comment about talking to someone. "You're still hungry? After all that food you packed away between the dinner we had and all the snacks during the movie?"

McCormick looked at the judge sheepishly. "Well, it's not like I had a fridge in the hotel. I'm kind of catching up."

"You've been missing meals?"

Mark gave a little shrug. "Not always."

"Look kiddo, you gotta take better care of yourself, three squares a day you know?"

"They say the same thing about sleep Judge, eight hours a night right?" McCormick reprimanded him.

"Yeah you're right, but I'll get there soon enough." Milt shrugged and came up with an excuse. "I'm just looking over some files. I'm not really tired yet."

McCormick tilted his head to the side. There was only one closed file neatly set off to the side on the desk. "It's late Judge, if you don't get to bed now, you'll be yawning tomorrow morning when you're shooting baskets. Plus you'll be cranky, and believe me, no one likes a cranky judge, Judge," he teased.

"Ha, I'll still be able to teach you a few things out there wise guy."

"Seriously, you should get some sleep."

"So should you, it's been a long day," Milt fired back.

"Okay, look you want me to make you up some warm milk, it'll put you right out, guaranteed and used by young and old alike," McCormick sounded like some sort of cheesy salesman.

"No, I don't want any warm milk McCormick. Listen, don't you have class tomorrow?"

Mark was quick to answer, "Not sure yet, the professor is in jail remember?"

Hardcastle scowled. "Maybe I should donate my services huh? I could teach your class."

"Yeah, that's all I need," Mark answered sarcastically.

"Well, I could do it," Milt said glumly.

McCormick let out a chuckle, "I know you could do it, you've done just about everything there is to do, you know? You're a tough act to live up to."

"Oh that's not true. I couldn't race one of those death traps you climb into to save my life."

"It's not exactly what I meant Judge," Mark offered.

Hardcastle knew what the kid meant, but this exactly was the sort of thing he hated to talk about. He let out a deeper than usual breath. "You should get some sleep. Maybe if you don't have class tomorrow, we could load up the truck and move your stuff back to the gatehouse."

McCormick raised his eyebrows. "Who said I was moving back to the gatehouse?"

"I just did," Hardcastle said. "It's closer to campus and I can keep an eye on you."

McCormick got the meaning and turned up his lips to show the hint of a smile. "All right, all right I'll go to bed. Good night Judge." The Judge gave him a nod and a slight wave of his hand. McCormick started to head out of the den with a happy, contented look on his face. He paused in the hallway just outside of the den and leaned against the wall to give one final thought to the day's events.

Back inside the den, Hardcastle sat back in the chair once more and said out loud. "McCormick a lawyer…I'm so damn proud of you kiddo, but I just can't say it out loud."

Back out in the hallway, a surprised McCormick listened and heard what he said, and mumbled under his breath. "You don't need to say it Judge, I already know."

Grins and pride swelled from both their faces.


End file.
